Assertiveness Training for the Non-Assertive

“What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.” - Ralph Waldo Emerson.
Ralph Waldo Emerson.

Shakti Gawain taught us, “You create your opportunities by asking for them.” In this section of the report, I’m going to show you how you can become more assertive and more in control of your life.

We will concentrate on assertiveness training that will help you in your career and other types of social encounters.

Non-assertive people encounter many difficulties when it comes to their business or careers. People grapple with the right words on the right situation and would not have any idea on how to fast track their climb in the corporate or business ladder.

The first part of the assertiveness training is geared towards showing you how to get control of yourself, how to be less shy, and become more expressive towards others. The second part of the training will show you how to influence others and how to have better understanding of other’s behavior towards you, particularly those that mistreat you or take advantage of you.

According to the Merriam-Webster Dictionary, “Assertiveness enables individuals to act in a bold and self-confident manner.”

Whether it is on the job or at home, you are dealing with people. These people include customers, co-workers, supervisors, boss, doctors, dentists, nurses, repairmen, installers, teachers, principals, banker, etc. that you encounter on a regular basis. Lack of assertiveness can cause a number of problems, as you may have discovered.

Maybe you are tired of always saying “yes” to everyone and feeling resentful later. Maybe you are tired of everyone taking advantage of your good nature. Maybe you are just plain tired because nobody is listening to your opinions and thoughts, as if you are not even there.

If you identified with any of the above situations, there is a solution. The steps are easy to follow, but you will need to practice every day. Repetitions are necessary for you and for those you deal with on a regular basis.

Once you have mastered the basics of assertiveness, you will notice a difference right away. People will listen to you more closely, once you have grabbed their attention assertively. You will start to gain the respect you know you deserve. Best of all, you will feel better about yourself. You will feel less shy and confident about yourself and your abilities.

You will no longer fear confrontations and learn to say “no” with ease and without guilt. You will learn to stay calm, even when people are arguing with you. You will realize that you need not be rushed into making decisions. You will avoid agreeing to things you do not really want. With more confidence in your own assertiveness, your stress level will drop dramatically.

First of all, we will work on your self-confidence. Self-confidence is built by undergoing a series of experiences that affirm your self-worth. Every time you try something new, you gain a new experience and perspective in life. It does not matter if what you experienced resulted to failure, you will still come out as a winner as long as you learn something from it. Always keep in mind that a failure or mistake is temporary. For the experience to become useful, you must learn from it.

Everything that you will learn from this assertiveness training should be practiced every day, possibly with a supportive friend, until you feel comfortable with the responses. Only then will you be ready to jump out into the real world and experience the assertive you.

Next, we will work on your negative self-talk. It is important that you refrain from putting yourself down. You will meet enough people willing to do that for you! Instead, start focusing on what you can do and not what you think you cannot do.

As the new assertive you emerges, remember to keep your emotions in check. Being emotional will not help you in staying in control. You must remain calm at all times, especially if you want to be taken seriously in your encounters.

How do you do this?

Realize that you have absolute control over your reaction. You can change and re-learn your reaction over your emotions.

Let us try one exercise. This can help you relax before a stressful meeting.

Imagine yourself in a happy and comfortable place. Others imagined themselves in a zen-like garden, a room that evokes soothing atmosphere, in an open field, or in a nature scene. Breathe in deeply as you see yourself part of the whole atmosphere. Exhale as you bask in the beauty of your surroundings. Breathe in through the nose and exhale slowly through the mouth. Do this breathing exercise three times. You can also include meditation if your have sufficient time to enjoy the lasting effect.

If you have been in staying at home for too long or have limited contact with a variety of people, dealing with the outside world can sometimes be daunting. Career professionals may make you feel inferior, ignorant, or less than adequate. You can overcome these feelings with a little preparation.

  • Preparation is the key
    Preparation means being aware of the particular situation that needs attention, knowing the person you need to talk to, and having an understanding of the message that you want to communicate.

  • Assertiveness In Times of Conflict
    Another example of using assertiveness effectively is in the area of conflict and problem solving. This often happens in the office, since you are dealing with so many diverse personalities.

  • Assertiveness In Dealing With Negative People
    Assertiveness will also help you deal with the people who constantly put you down. Instead of dealing with a problem and coming up with a resolution, they opt to insult and hurt your feelings.