Assertiveness In Dealing With Negative People
Assertiveness will also help you deal with the people who constantly put you down.
Instead of dealing with a problem and coming up with a resolution, they opt to insult and hurt your feelings.
Jules Feiffer calls these situations as “little murders” as these are intended to insult, humiliate or embarrass others. These people attack your self-confidence and your self-esteem. In the process, they “murder” what you have worked on so hard. Most of us just put up with these humiliating put-downs, but that only encourages them. We learned earlier that we teach people how to treat us, so we need to teach them that these “little murders” are painful, humiliating, and need to be stopped. C. H. Spurgeon said, “Insults are like bad coins; we cannot help their being offered us, but we need not take them.”
Sometimes the only way to avoid these put-downs is to avoid those delivering them. Remove yourself from their presence. Assert yourself and tell them it is an unacceptable behavior, then leave. The barbs only work if you react and show them how upset you are.
Speak your mind, then leave. It leaves them with nothing; you have taken the wind from their sails. Eventually, they will learn that you cannot be drawn into their little insults any longer and they will lose interest in you.
So, you have learned how to:
• Grow more assertive, not aggressive.
• Adjust your behavior to get what you really, really want.
• Protect yourself and your rights.
• Say ‘no’ and not feel guilty afterwards; you can cure this disease to please.
• Be respected for your actions and decisions.
• Bring up assertive children and teach them to be strong.
• Teach people how to treat you.
What is left for you is to practice, practice, practice. Build up your self-confidence and self-esteem.
Use your mistakes to your advantage. They will teach you wisdom. “Good judgment comes from experience, and often experience comes from bad judgment,” said Rita Mae Brown.
Put all the knowledge and wisdom you have gained into your everyday life and see what happens. Still unconvinced of the benefits of asserting yourself? Ask yourself, “What’s the worst thing that could happen to me if I learn to be assertive?” Now ask yourself, “What’s the best thing that could happen to me if I learn to be assertive?”
Imagine yourself in the position of assertiveness. You have learned to stand up for yourself and people are no longer taking advantage of your good nature and willingness to help.
You have gained a brand new position of authority at work doing only your own work. Your spouse has a newfound respect for you. Even your kids are more respectful, since you taught them how to treat you. You are not being mean to anyone, just firm about how you intend to be treated from now on. Elbert Hubbard said, “To know when to be generous and when to be firm -- that is wisdom.”
Remember, being assertive is about standing up for yourself and your rights, but without stomping on the other person’s feelings and rights.
Your attitude, behavior, beliefs, and values are now in line with who you really are: an assertive, no-nonsense, action-oriented, take-charge kind of person!